Ramblings

Sweet Dreams are made of these
nightmares but sweeter
disattached from reality
floating slowly in the obscence voids of space
thoughts pervading my mind
not invited, unexpected
thoughts of the past, put behind
cant remember
wont remember
love needs no reminders of hurtful pasts,
but constant reminders of bright futures
only giving whats need, yet more
at the same time.
family so far, yet a different family so close
hell is here, and i live there
cant remember
wont remember
deeds done from spite,
burglery, not from need, but impulse
feeding the subconcious mind
images, ideas, stereotypes
i know who i am
do you
fit in
with whom
everybody wants to be somebody
i am a nobody and i like it
woke up this morning
hate life
realize why im here
and give thanks
why?
for life, my breath
but to whom?
not god, he might not listen
not jesus, he might not care
not budda, he cant see me
not Allah, i am an infidel
shouldnt i be killed?
jihad, my ass
i live day by day
minute by minute
yet still love and live
somehow, in desolation
some days good, most bad
depression sucks
when there is nothing to do
or get drunk on
im here, just me.
rely on home,
loved ones
daughters brothers mothers fathers
who says the patriarch is the strongest?
i cant combine my thoughts into words
they just flow onto paper, even though electronic
want to leave, but cant oh well
depression setting in, only a week until im 21
cant celebrate properly like i should
oh well. 5 months yet and im free
for maybe a year, cant remember
wont remember
dont want to remember
memory is overrated
mindless ramblings of a forsaken spirit
are most uplifting.
coherent thoughts non exsistant.
remember that time...?
who cares?
hi, how are you, im fine, blah blah blah
speak your mind then leave.
small talk is boring with those you hate
expressionalism
defines modern man
maybe
cant remember
wont remember
sweet dreams are made of these
nightmares but sweeter.