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Rain & Jazz in Rm 272
By shortandpretentious
outside it was raining & I was
inside with Miles Davis & we were
speaking of the past I told him
hey what's done is done
he smiled and walked out into the rain
i asked if he wanted my umbrella
he replied love will keep him dry
and walked off parting the concrete sidewalk
like Moses did the Red Sea
ever since he left I've wondered
why I threw my umbrella out of the window
a beautiful girl picked it up
I told her she didn't need it
that love would keep her dry:
she laughed with her friends and kept walking.
as the rain continued to fall
I wished it would slice through her umbrella
it never did but I'll be damned if I wasn't dry all day.
Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited.
Ask the author first.
Copyright 2004 shortandpretentious
Published on Friday, August 27, 2004.
Filed under:
"Poetry"
Awards
Comments on "Rain & Jazz in Rm 272"
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On Friday, June 15, 2012, Alchemist
(688)
wrote:
Musical beauty
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On Friday, December 24, 2010, jonLyndon
(113) wrote:
"why I threw my umbrella out of the window" Love the wet, saxophone jazz feel of this poem, the Kind of Blue of Miles ~ anything Miles Davis like poetry in sketches. The speculations of the umbrella is a very cool touch & I love the poem's title. The only bit I didn't like was "like Moses did the Red Sea"; I understand what yer going for here & I really like the preceding line but I felt you could've used something more in tune w/ the poem... if I've never seen the Moses metaphor used before, than I'd like it. Apologies, but I've just read that metaphor one too many times... other than that, this is a spectacular poem. Don't change it for me, but if you think of another line I'd like to read it... a kinda love supreme. Blue In Green. Love this poem.
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On Sunday, October 19, 2008, TropicalSnowstorm
(1703) wrote:
Fastastic piece! "but I'll be damned if I wasn't dry all day" - Love it! : )
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On Monday, March 17, 2008, MercyRain
(105) wrote:
i do think this could be a freaking awesome poem, its just the ending leaves one feeling like there is something amiss here
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On Monday, March 17, 2008, MercyRain
(105) wrote:
all this talk about love keeping us dry and whatnot, but then the only real emotion the narrator shows herself is the spiteful wishing that the girl with the umbrella would get wet and then the narrator stays dry despite her only displayed emotion as spite
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On Monday, March 17, 2008, Dancing_Monkey
(1246) wrote:
awsome write. Has a jazzy feel. and it's funny and sweet aswell. I realy realy like it
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On Monday, March 17, 2008, MercyRain
(105) wrote:
i have mixed feelings about this poem... the rhythm, the flow, the wording, all that, it is an excellent write... it is just the last two lines of this poem though that seem to let me confused...
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On Friday, December 7, 2007, Mari
(425) wrote:
sweet
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On Sunday, April 22, 2007, carlosjackal
(3011) wrote:
I've read this many times now but only now feel like I'm ready to comment. I can only echo everyone else and add this was magnificent magic created in so few lines. Amazing -Carl
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On Tuesday, May 23, 2006, flying_fox
(573) wrote:
this is awesome. I too found it on Purr's homepage. Magnificent write... the last line gave me the broadest grin I've worn all week.
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A former member wrote:
gah. i love this. i found it on purr's profile a while ago, and i've been at a loss for words. this is just marvelous.
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On Monday, February 13, 2006, purr_verse
(1059) wrote:
well, it was 2004 when I first found this piece; this is just a little postscript to say that these days I can recite it verbatim, and it runs in my memory at all sorts of moments. It's magnificent.
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On Sunday, February 20, 2005, Anth
(1133) wrote:
so, this is what poetry really is
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On Tuesday, December 7, 2004, BeautifulCalamity
(428) wrote:
*clicks faves*
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On Tuesday, December 7, 2004, BeautifulCalamity
(428) wrote:
whoa, SO glad that I have come across this. amazing work. . . reminded me of different bands I love all combined together with wonderful words to sing. simple but beautifully delicate. a lovely write, well done. . .
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A former member wrote:
"as the rain continued to fall
I wished it would slice through her umbrella" The wet feel of jazz is straight on, sketches of Miles (perfect); I can hear his jazz'd breathing & feel the rain. I love the 'dry & umbrella' motif. This poem is black & whi
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A former member wrote:
... black & white, like an old photograph torn and fading; excellent! Delicious imagery:"...and walked off parting the concrete sidewalk."
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On Tuesday, September 14, 2004, Dayer
(162) wrote:
Excellent
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On Saturday, September 4, 2004, Railway_Butterfly
(354) wrote:
excellent work,*clicks faves*...Butterfly..xxx...
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On Saturday, September 4, 2004, Railway_Butterfly
(354) wrote:
'I never did,but i'll be damned if I wasn't dry all day'...Just as lyn said,you reach a level of of class here thats hard to touch...this is wonderful work,you capture the...mood...the astmosphere...perfectly..
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On Sunday, August 29, 2004, purr_verse
(1059) wrote:
all-around fantastic piece, excellently written. it's stolen my commentary; left me with banalities like "wow" and suchlike. sorry... *faveclick*
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On Saturday, August 28, 2004, Lynaes
(859) wrote:
This is wonderful, so abstractly enchanting. The way you've put this across is absolutely perfect. I envisioned as a black and white movie.. 1920's.. you've reached a level of class that's hard to touch. Excellent work.
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On Friday, August 27, 2004, Six-Out
(1435) wrote:
That....was damn good. I was wondering where you were going with it, and am glad I stuck around. Keep 'em coming.
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On Friday, August 27, 2004, urbanhumility
(1175) wrote:
fantastic memory............brilliant......urban
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On Friday, August 27, 2004, ShadowFlight
(105) wrote:
wow... I like this a lot... captures the mood directly and abstractly... coooool... flows, kinda like one of miles' solos.....
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On Friday, August 27, 2004, mysticventures
(538) wrote:
very, very cool write man!!!
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