Self Vs. Self

I washed away the tears with a sense of dignity,
the difficulty or regaining ground is times by infinity.
I hid my pain behind a wall,
I no longer stand, but only crawl.
I once played the cards I was delt.
I painted on my smile no matter how I felt.
Now I feel emotionally drained,
nothing was acomplished nor was it gained.
There was once so many things I admired,
now I am restless and my brain is tired.
I was always able to help thoses who were burned,
I taught them lessons but I never learned.
It's sad to say that I am my own worst enemy,
hating myself is a natural tendency.
Some would say these feelings are normal for teens,
that we make simplicity turn to dramatic scenes.
This for me is an every day obsession,
I fucking hate myself.. That's my confession.
How could anyone love this empty bag of bones?
They couldn't.. I was put here to fight alone.
Maybe my problem is I can't love until I love myself,
yet I have no desire.. I'm stubborn and refuse help.
I'll close me up in my thoughts and leave this behind,
destiny and fate will guide me to claim what is mine.
This Self Vs. Self game is offically my best ability,
may God himself carry to to tranquility.