This Time... I Swear It Wasn't Me (with reference 2 outspoken)

I am all alone now
Alone and simply wondering why
Why was I thrust here
Expected to survive

I have nothing to call my own
I have no one to call on
I have nothing here
Do you hear me I say nothing

I want to be back home
I wish to feel love once more
I wish to not be abandoned
I want the things I know for sure

I know that my mother loves me
Very much despite the anger
I know that I have a role to play
To keep my baby brother from danger

I know that where I come from
I have friends no matter what
I know that there are people there
People I can trust

There are no cultural boundaries
Among my family and me
No foreign customs
That make me feel eerie

Life as I know it
Has come to a bitter end
My broken heart
Is certain to never mend

I just want a normal life
One where I can be me
I’m sick of being played this way
Always tossed about at sea

I never make a decision
About anything in my world
I want to be treated more grown up
And not like a tiny baby girl

I want to have a say
In the places that I go
Why am I not allowed
To express the things I know

I know that I am not happy
Despite the fact that I try
You can not hold it against me
That now, more than ever, I just want to die

I have nothing left to live for
Or so it seems
Won’t you please let me come home
And give me back my dreams

I do not want them given
Handed back on a platter of gold
I simply want them the way I left them
So that I must struggle to make them grow

I need things like I left them
Before I was neglected
Is it not possible to see it in my face
How much I feel rejected

Well it doesn’t matter if you see it
Because I know that it is there
I feel it running through my veins
It’s so obvious how little that I care

Why can’t anyone understand
That my wings are horribly broken
I believe Lydia said it best
By giving life to “Outspoken…”

“Shallow storms of thunder dreams
Outlook faded into screams
Of help me now I’m so alone
Cant you make my war your own”

Mommy Dearest please
Let me come home real soon
Do you not see the ever-growing hate
Building in my heart for you

I have said I don’t want to be here
I have said I’m sorry too
I don’t know what I did
To deserve abandonment from you

Won’t you please explain it
Please tell me what you can
Why are you forcing me to stay here
With this crazy old man

You said yourself
“It’s not your fault”
So why then Mother Dear
Do you cover my wounds with salt

All the things I do not like
About my lonely self
You have this weird way
Of somehow bringing them out

I feel like I’m not good enough
That I don’t deserve your love
Then you suddenly proved me right
As you walked away from our last hug

You left me here alone
Alone and simply wondering why
Why I was thrust here
Expected to survive



I am sure that you want to know the story behind this poem
so here it goes...I was minding my own business getting ready
for school when my gma and i got into a little arguement...
nothing major, right? WRONG! she decided that i couldn't
come back into her house because i was out by the road
(of course i was by the road how else am i supposed to catch
the bus for school) anywayz so she's talking to my mom and
blah blah blah... the day is going great, i'm at school and
everything is fine, no problems... then i see my mom in the
office and i go talk to her, and she informs me that i am
not allowed to go back to my gmas house and that i will be
moving 10 hours away from everything that i know and moving
in with a man(my father) who has had nothing to do with me
(whether by choice or circumstance it doesnt matter) for 17
years and his family (which consists of step-mom, 11 month old half bro., and his mother in law...the 2 women are philipino) so now not only do i have a culture shock because im in a "diverse" household (which i have no problem with except for the fact that i was not raised like they were and my family does things differently and im expected to follow their beliefs now), i am also in a different climate, and i have no friends and to speak the truth i don't know anyone down here not even the people i'm living with... and all i want to do is be at home with my gma again but since that won't happen because she says i'm the crazy one (there is a lot of stuff that happened that im obviously not sharing) I would be more than happy to
just be on familiar ground again with my mom and step-dad and other baby brother (not really a baby he's 6 yrs.) and to be in a place where i feel comfortable and i know people and my surroundings...so there's the story behind this "great work of art" lol... hope you enjoy my misery, but most of all i hope you understand and don't criticize me for my point of view...a lot of people say i'm lucky to be where i am, but i just don't see it...i dunno, maybe i will one day, but in the meantime... ~*ENJOY*~ :)