Jennifer

I don't know what else to do but cry when I think about you leaving me.
Even for the summer, I feel like I'll be all alone.
Lately Ive been feeling so sorry for myself and trying not to hate Jennifer.
You probably couldnt understand why I would, when you two ended before we "started".
You and her were together for a year, you were happy, you lived with her.
Her that seemed so intelligent when I met her.
So secure, so sure of herself,and so mature.
So perfectly fine being in her own skin.
The only reason why I hate her is because I envy her at dangerously high levels.
I know you must have been a different person back then but you have become who you are because of the past.
The things that youve learned have affected what's going on now.
I think I hate her because she ruined your will, she ruined that magical picture of true love for you that everyone should have.
I hate her because she ruined your faith in love, and most of all, your faith in yourself.
I often wish that I had found you first.
I fantasize about how if this could have happened, maybe things now, would be alot different.
I guess I hate her because she's better than me.
And somewhere deep inside, I know, we could never have what you and she had. I guess I'm still trying to deal with the fact that I wasnt good enough for you to give us a chance.
Begging can only get one so far.
Yeah, I know I'm coming down but the only difference is that now, when I think about it all, I cant stop crying.
I feel so alone.
I feel like I'm trapped in a box and no one notices that Ive been gone for some time now.
In the movies, the world would be doomed if that one person didnt realize that people were a bit too normal.
I think that maybe there is a deeper meaning in those horrible body-snatcher flicks.
What are we without our individuality?
What are we without the acceptance of others?
I guess the parasite that has attached itself to my brain and stolen my soul is somehow allowing the old part of me that no one mises, that is still human, to surface.