simple stroke

isnt it fascinating how much harm you can do with a knife but yet how much relife you can get from that simple stroke against your skin that effortless stroke that takes days weeks months or even years to think over and over countless amount of times if you are or arent willing to do you think about it during the day night and every single secound of your life you think about it after the end of almost every sentence but yet when your asked whats wrong whats going on you simple response with "nothing im doing fine" is it because your too ashamed to tell anyone whats really runing through your mind or is it because your simply ashamed of what they might think of you or say of you is it because you dont trust anyone or is it because you just cant bare with it you cant take the pain anymore you cant take it you want to explode when they ask you your in the verge of just breaking down into tears and giving up and finaly after all those thoughts actually doing it actually standing up and grabing that knife and slicing your wrists making your self bleed and bleed and bleed you think that just because you bleed all the pain will leave and that all the sudden your life will be perfect well no it wont it wont get better it wont get wrost after your done after you proved you will do it what have you gained? scars? memories? a taste of death? what what did you really truly think youve gained?