tuesday 03.02.04

...i don't even know where to start

i'm sitting in a crowded study hall room with
a thousand jumbled thoughts running rampant through my brain.

so many people have told me to "just relax" and "let things go," and none of them
seem to understand that i just can't do that.

i don't know how to throw my hands up and say "fuck it all," because to me,
that's what "letting it all go" sounds like.

how is it possible for me to get rid of something that strikes a chord so deep in me?

....i know i'm still too hard on myself, i think too much, take the blame for too much, blah blah blah.
and yes, analysation did kill the cat.

i think one of my biggest problems is being stuck in high school...
i don't mind the learning part of it. actually, i love absorbing all that i can
...its the sickening vain and naive mentallity of "high schoolers" in general

and i'm still so skeptical... of everything and everyone...
hell, i can't even say what i want to say for fear of being completely misunderstood
...eww, am i THAT paranoid??

...*sigh* anyway, another thing on my mind is still the college search dilema
but i'm honestly beginning to think that i am making it more complicated than it really is.

furthermore, my best friend has herself in her own ugly situation...
i want so much to help her but there's nothing in my power to do
and its killing me. . . . . . . . . . . .

*sighs again*

and now i have to go...

[to be continued....]