This Body

My hand goes over
this stomach
Disgusting
Repugnant

Dandruff falls from
my dried hair
my fried hair
Fingers feel a sea of
blackheads and pimples
My teeth
no longer sparkle
but collect cavities
wedged junk food
These nails gather dirt
This "happy line"
a disgusting dessert
My eyes
turn yellow
Black lines
form under
Sweat drips
Lips chapped
Skin callous
Thighs fat

So grotesque
is this body
this body
filthy body
It will never be
just some
body
It will ALWAYS be
my body
No matter
What I say
or who my voice
portrays
I will always
remain
with this body
this body

I'm exhausted
of dealing
with this body
shut up body

I'm hating
this body

I'm hating
I'm hating

I'm ashamed of
this body

I'm shameful
I'm shameful

I despise
this body
I loathe
this body
I can't stand
this body
this body, this body

Now I'm hurting
this body

I'm hurting
I'm hurting

I'm cutting
this body
Wrists bleeding
Teeth gnawing
I'm starving
this body
Fingers enter
Bile rising
and now
I'm covering
this body

I'm covering
I'm covering

Dark nail polish
Mascara
Eye shadow
and lipstick
Eyeliner
Dyed hair
A piercing so rare
Spikes rising
Legs exposing
Odd clothing
Shaky feeling
Boots clicking
Eyes approaching
Thoughts emerging
Questions asking
and ALL are
disapproving

I still do not get

this body
this body

I still detest

this body
this body

I will never forget

this body
this body

I'm being haunted by

my body
my body

I've made a
small difference
with this old body
First impressions
have differed
with this new body
But no matter
how much I change
this body
this body
I will always
remain ugly
in this body
this body