chokecherries and bloodberries

make me see stars
slap my face, redden each cheek
make my skin glow with the fury in your eyes
within the pain you give me
is the energy i seek, i savor
the power to say no
the freedom to let go of inhibition



you cannot stay composed
when you're tied to a cross
no one expects you to do anything but cry and moan
naked, your body open to the whims of others
tears can fall unheeded and with relief
each red welt across my screaming flesh is another
that will not seep out, unwanted
and end up on a wrist
bleeding



some call it sacrilege
some call it unnatural to want this
to beg for torture
to kneel and crawl and lick the boots of the ones
who can just as easily throw you into a cage
as caress you
oh, i know the joy in having nothing to do
nothing to choose, all ability stripped away
your desires are someone else's
you their slave
it's so simple that way



a collar is like a satellite
allows me to fly beyond this world into the next
but stay tuned, connected to the ground
i can float and yet not go too far
always find my way back into the arms
of someone to kiss my wounds
make things better



it's easier to manage the pain
when you can see it
easier to heal
when it's only skin, and muscle, and bones, and blood



chain me up
and beat me back into happiness