...Memories never made~The sharpest blade..

By SolApathy


Burdensome are my bones
Cracking under the weight of being alone
Who ever knew empty memories
Could weigh so much more 
Than the full life I was hoping for
Claustrophobia of the emptiness I feel
Insures the wounds of this broken heart won’t ever heal
Steal just for a moment for a mockup  memory 
Serenity of you next to me 
Just as quickly I know this is not to be
Phantom memories never to be made
My own internal diatribe
Echoes the truth of what I never deserved

Smiles never observed
Thoughts of ever being with someone -Absurd
Symptom of my internal strife
Broken the moment I was given life
Knowing in the end there is only one message I can send
No one can show me otherwise under these aged skies
No point in asking the why’s
In a universe where death offers a path to my cure 
Where x-acto knives bleed pure
I sedated the thoughts of you with xanax dreams
--Until they turned into screams of things never seen--
Happiness is just not my way
Feel the burden to bleed
As this blade enters me
Not to kill or to cut
Just to numb the thoughts  
A love that is not

~I’m not in love~
I never was
Keep those thoughts alive
Becoming the only way I can survive
But I know I’m not really even alive
It’s just the thoughts that survive
Burdened by my own mind
Dig the blade of my thoughts deep
My burden-- the memories I shouldn’t keep
Reap in the savage confines of one’s own mind
It’s the sharpest blade
And yet it’ll never cut out the memories we never made


Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2019 SolApathy
Published on Tuesday, May 7, 2019.     Filed under: "Poetry"

Author's Note:

...The loss of something I never truly knew wrecked my soul more than you ever knew..
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