pills

pill after pill,
morning and night,
waiting until,
no crazy, but light,

when does it come?
when will it be?
only want some,
happiness and free,

how dare you unveil my fears,
they are not your to sell,
why can't you hear?
am I under a spell?

Paranoia takes over,
I am losing control,
I know I am sober,
but it's taking its toll,

I  fear I am weaker,
because now I care,
no longer a tweaker,
life is not fair,

you put me in a place,
where I don't want to be,
trying to keep a straight face,
cause you're seeing me,

pill after pill,
I don't want to feel, 
they're holding me still,
I don't want to deal,

you stirred up emotion,
when I'm supposed to be fine,
causing commotion,
in this brain of mine,

you try to say it's okay,
but I know deep down,
I am just in the way,
I am under, I drown,

maybe I should seek the blade,
how good it would feel,
to bleed till I fade,
into what is real,

pill after pill,
please take it away,
I cannot keep doing this,
day after day.