Just Before I Go

By tmanzano

They danced like silhouettes 
against a puppet wall -

effortless to music 
no one else could hear 
but me.

He held her lightly tight
just below 
the small of her back.

She moved to him 
submissively -

spinning like children 
on a carousel.

I smiled the smile 
that hope can bring -

and opened my eyes 
to pay the waiter.

Softened by a daydream -

I gathered myself, and
walked into traffic.

 

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2018 tmanzano
Published on Friday, July 27, 2018.     Filed under: "Poetry"
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Comments on "Just Before I Go"

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  • A former member wrote: The end really packs a punch of the pain of lost love.

  • tmanzano On Saturday, April 13, 2019, tmanzano (229)By person wrote:

    Hope is a sumbmisive bitch. I have often thought of this exact daydream. It feels wonderful to me... thank you for your time and comment. Very humbled.

  • Luna Jay On Thursday, August 9, 2018, Luna Jay (464)By person wrote:

    This is so beautiful. "She moved to him submissively"...nice! Excellent ink

  • tmanzano On Friday, August 10, 2018, tmanzano (229)By person wrote:

    That was my favorite line as well. Thank you for your comment.

  • dwells On Tuesday, July 31, 2018, dwells (5719)By person wrote:

    I'm guessing that "without looking" might have been an additional closing line, but the element of uncertainty lingers... Nicely done reminiscence, and too bad we can't get a do-over or two along the way. Cheers my friend TM - Dan

  • tmanzano On Tuesday, July 31, 2018, tmanzano (229)By person wrote:

    Thank you Dan. Always appreciate your comments.

  • Bornfrompain On Saturday, July 28, 2018, Bornfrompain (852)By person wrote:

    This was darkly beautiful! - BFP

  • tmanzano On Saturday, July 28, 2018, tmanzano (229)By person wrote:

    Thanks BFP. I love that you love the dark writes. I see you comment on other dark writes on DP as well. We share that.

  • I IS ME On Saturday, July 28, 2018, I IS ME (382)By person wrote:

    You threw us a curve we were thinking along a certain line until the last stabbing line. We like surprises when we read. Please continue

  • tmanzano On Saturday, July 28, 2018, tmanzano (229)By person wrote:

    Thank you I IS ME. Thank the other or others for me as well.

  • Jonas Robinson On Saturday, July 28, 2018, Jonas Robinson (912)By person wrote:

    It gets rough sometimes. It definitely does. I absolutely love this. I hope you find what you're looking for in life so you can write some more brilliant poetry along the way.

  • tmanzano On Saturday, July 28, 2018, tmanzano (229)By person wrote:

    Thank you Jonas. I am fictional some of the time. I imagine these situations in daydreams, as if an actor getting into character to inspire a write. I can only write when there is suffering. I make attempts to conjure it. Thank you for your comments. Very kind of you.

  • Queazenart On Friday, July 27, 2018, Queazenart (238)By person wrote:

    Deeply emotional, perfectly portrayed, and heart-wrenchingly tragic. Great flow with only a little jaggedness near the end, increasing its impact. I am enamored with yet another of your pieces.

  • tmanzano On Friday, July 27, 2018, tmanzano (229)By person wrote:

    Q, I am so thankful. I am humbled by you. Thank you.

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