Back Here, Once Again.

I cannot fucking fathom
How far I have fucking come.
Just to end up farther down
And look like a damn clown.
I want it all to just end please
Get that perfectly tight squeeze.
The one thing I need is gone
She was innocent, a young fawn.
I didn't know I could hate myself more
Now, I hate me to my own core.
I thought I would finally be okay
But, hey what else can I say.
I'm a fucking lost cause
But that's no ones loss.
It'll be easier soon, I'll be gone
Hopefully, maybe make it to dawn.
I'm genuinely broken and ready
No longer can I stay steady.
Please, just please let me fade
I hate this endless facade.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'll be leaving, the sky is starry.
I can't believe I thought I was okay
My life is a rope that frays.
Falling apart, so damn fast
Just like my fucking past.
Cry and hyperventilate nightly
Cut deeper and deeper, so lightly.
I hate waking up to a new day
Without you I am not okay..
I'm here, but I wish I wasn't
I hate the constant torment.
Hate me, shame me, kill me
Leave me in the Fucking sea.
Anything to take this pain away
I promise you, I'm not okay..
I'm falling back into my knives
I wish He hasn't missed his scythes.
I wish I had died when I should have
You are my other hearts half.
Without you, I have no reason to be
I wish we weren't just you and me.
I drink so much more
That's when I feel adored.
I numb myself, every damn day
Because I'm not fucking okay..
I worry everyone when I don't respond
Because I'm fading and beyond.
Please take this pain from my heart
I'm back at the fucking start.
For when Death comes, arms open
And in his arms, I'll fall in.
To finally be taken home
No longer will I roam.
Finally gone, finally okay
But this game, I won't play.
I hate myself, and my life
Please, slide me that knife.
I'll leave you some vague clues
On where to find me and my noose.
Goodbye, I'm sorry to you all
But I don't know how long I can stall..