Once Again

Again, I have fallen down
Looking like a damn clown.
Thinking I could pull it together
But it's always stormy weather.
I can't believe myself, nor will
I ever forgive myself still.
I had what I wanted, needed and
Now all alone, again, I stand.
Once again have I turned to
Substance, what else do I do?
Once again have I returned to self harm
Death, why have You silenced my alarm.
I'm sick and tired, I want to be with You
In your arms again, recalling when we flew.
Once again I crave that deathly feeling
Of my conscious mind slowly reeling.
Until I am with You, in Your presence
But until then, once again, patience.
Once again I am lost and numb
Being pressed under your thumb.
But never enough to kill, why Death
Why tease me with Living Breath.
Take me, release me from what I feel
I was cheated on the flip, misled deal.
I had it all, I did. Yet once again my past
Made it hard to trust, I thought we'd last.