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Asylum
By CrowsOmen
The sky above cries bloody tears,
A wash of dark and morbid fears,
While ice creeps along the broken ground,
Spirits past screech and pound,
A staccato rhythm of shattered glass,
A shifting shadow gaining mass,
Consuming life like a leeching vine,
Shivers shake a thoughtless spine,
Breath comes quick and blood runs cold,
The shadows spread a vile mold,
Voices taunt a tortured mind,
Leather straps cinch and bind,
A stinging stab that's just skin deep,
The world a dark a dreamless sleep.
Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited.
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Copyright 2017 CrowsOmen
Comments on "Asylum"
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On Thursday, May 21, 2020, FenriristoXic
(10)
wrote:
I really like this! Very very nice!
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On Thursday, October 5, 2017, Hands_Around_My_Throat
(67) wrote:
The rhyme and flow of this poem is lovely!! I cannot wait to read more from you! -Miz-
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A former member wrote:
This has the true power to show exactly how ones fear can manifest into what seems like physical form. Fear is not a permanent piece of us, but is constantly changing and adapting...love this piece!!
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On Thursday, September 7, 2017, CrowsOmen
(19) wrote:
Thank you! I've always had a pretty active imagination, and when I was a kid, some of the things I was afraid of were pretty weird. As I grew up I was able to wrangle it and get it under control, but not before my fear really hijacked my life for a while. My fears are fairly mundane now, but there's always that little nugget of raw terror in the back of my mind. Lurking.
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On Sunday, September 3, 2017, worm
(1194) wrote:
I read this quickly the first time... then I thought, "wait a sec... there's more here than meets the eye!" I read it slow with syncopation and got blown away! Nice! ~worm~
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On Thursday, September 7, 2017, CrowsOmen
(19) wrote:
Thanks Worm! Yeah, I suppose it could be considered a flaw of sorts, but sometimes you have to pay close attention to my work. There are definitely some that I intend to be read quickly, but other times if you slow down, you'll catch the full effect. I suppose I should work on my style to make it more overt as to how the poem is meant to be read, but I feel as though that would be disingenuious somehow.
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A former member wrote:
"Shivers shake a thoughtless spine", well if there's a spine that shivers can shake, it's that sort. The flow of this poem is superb as it carries the subject matter so beautifully. I hope that you decide to stick around for a bit. Welcome to our midst! Rebs:).
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On Friday, September 1, 2017, CrowsOmen
(19) wrote:
Lol, yeah, maybe not my most inspired metaphor, but I've most certainly written worse. I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed the flow, and that it works. I'll be more than happy to stick around, as I'm always glad to have a community of people that enjoy to write and read poetry. Especially dark poetry. While I do enjoy the odd uplifting poem, I find dark poetry to be more raw and genuine. It comes from a more primal part of the soul that happy thoughts dare not tread in.
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On Friday, September 1, 2017, Drea
(1443) wrote:
The rhyme. The rhythm of this. I read this 3 times (and I'm sure I'll be back to read it again). I enjoyed this. Welcome to DP
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On Friday, September 1, 2017, CrowsOmen
(19) wrote:
Thank you, Drea! The majority of my poems are written in about three minutes or less when I have a sudden flash of inspiration, and I typically decide not to do any editing or make any changes. I find that I write best in this sort of spontaneous form, with no planning involved, so I'm glad to hear that others can enjoy it this way.
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