The Death You Promised Me

By Mute Serenade

You're a suicide.
My suicide.
I think so anyway...
Making a metaphor to fit your madness fails me sometimes.

But yes, a suicide... a slow and arduous expiration.

I was young and a trifle clumsy
Stumbling through my existence.
...And then you appeared.
You were Death.
My Death.
Stalking my very means
My way of life
My silence
With your voiceless suggestions.

Every incantation of your presence
Beckoned me to bleed out.
At your insistence i obliged
And I felt myself giving over to you...
Just a little
Bleeding into you
Just a bit.

I taunted you
My love of the rush
Begging to be your victim.
You taunted me
To focus on my breaths
Almost assuring
I was down to precious few.

But me
Too afraid to end it all
And you
Too afraid to take a fragile little life
Ebbed and flowed
With the happenstance of our entanglements. 

The bleeding never stopped
The slow and subtle drip
Became a leaky faucet
That blended into the cacaphony of other broken things
At the back of my throat.

There were so many collisions
When the drip became a river
Like an artery had given way.

Lost in your eyes
I'd contemplate the cost of you collecting me
Adding me to your repertoire of captured souls. 
And everytime
I'd teeter back from my pewter edge
And retreat to clean my wounds.

I, the un-conquestable lifer!
Gripping to my very existence
For the sheer predictability of it all...
Finally came to greet my mortality eagerly...

...And then you appeared.
Death.
My Death.
Looming about me as long as I've loved.

Lost in your eyes
I didn't consider the cost
Or my inventory number among your countless others
I plunged with ferocious, violent abandon
Into every vein I could find
Ready to be your last victim. 

But your excited expression weakened and stirred
Like a panic to act washed away 
Whatever pride and hope and happiness you intended to glean
From your un-conquestable conquest.

You clawed for any bandage you could find.
With surgical precision
And a glaring lack of anesthetic
You stitched it all back together as best you could. 

After holding me under Now youre holding me back
Trying to pump life into the corpse you made
So it would keep housing the soul you couldn't bring yourself to take. 

I know you think you're merciful
Having just saved a life
But you've only denied me a precious death
You spent a lifetime promising me. 

 

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2017 Mute Serenade
Published on Saturday, August 5, 2017.     Filed under: "Love" and "Poetry"
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Comments on "The Death You Promised Me"

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  • Purposelessness On Tuesday, May 22, 2018, Purposelessness (132)By person wrote:

    I just read this again. I think I love it more now.

  • A former member wrote: Oh Lovely Lady, I'm going to have to concur with all of the comments below, there are simply no words for how fucking amazing this is. I'm definitely going to be thinking about this all day, and just, WOW! Great job :). Rebs:).

  • Purposelessness On Sunday, August 27, 2017, Purposelessness (132)By person wrote:

    This was so good. I logged in and had this one open already, found it like a gift from santa under the tree.

  • A Dispelled Truth On Thursday, August 3, 2017, A Dispelled Truth (27)By person wrote:

    This pangs me with guilt. But I enjoyed reading it, very nice.

  • Drea On Wednesday, August 2, 2017, Drea (1529)By person wrote:

    This reminded me of someone I've tried to forget. There are so many good lines in this, and you can feel the emotions. I enjoyed this.

  • Just Dave On Wednesday, August 2, 2017, Just Dave (526)By person wrote:

    Wow. Great poem. Well thought out and honest. Betcha shed a few tears while writing it. Superb write, JD

  • Bornfrompain On Wednesday, August 2, 2017, Bornfrompain (829)By person wrote:

    This was AWESOME! - BFP

  • Mute Serenade On Wednesday, August 2, 2017, Mute Serenade (471)By person wrote:

    Awe shucks, why thank you! :)

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