Beholden Discontent

I've been trying                        trying Something different, something new Something                        Beneath a new light       A different angle, a different mirror A rhythm not quite my own, but should have always been (?)       I close my eyes And the other side is hazy, frayed at the edges It tastes.... Like lips, like lungs I feel smooth and soft beneath fingertips And the liquor spills quicker on this side           And I beget myself This day forgotten today Begging myself away The day is taken away with a pill (or six) And I feel as if I might                            Disappear       And I feel her tugging me Pulling and shoving back Away, my darlin girl       C'mon baby, take a swing I've got my drink, I've got my smoke And I've got all day       Shaking with fingers against temples, shivering, scratching For this mind here inside me, what are you? Where did this                                    me Come from?  I strike you down My indignant wrath, I smote you Speaking of me, myself   There isn't an I anymore, just more me Another And Another
  Scattered to the wind, cast disarrayed  Upon the floor At my feet       I'll wrest the pistol from my fist Rest the pill upon the trigger and I feel it enter, pushed deeper
Force feeding, screaming, needing reeling and feeling that surge Pain and recollection       And   I still   At the taste   Of that Mistress                                     so gorgeous I'd love to put you on your knees   But its you   Touching me   Down               ... hold me