I Dreamt Of Her

I've been getting better
Was never a go getter.
I was doing so well you see
Yet, she still haunts me.
I dreamt of Her the other night
It's not okay, it isn't right.
The memories torment my mind
Peace, is what I simply can't find.
The remembrance is tearing at me
I wish, and yet not, to be free.
The Dream was surreal
Death had offered a deal.
To see Her when I am gone
I helplessly agreed at dawn.
This reality is fading in realism
As I awoke, I almost saw Him.
I instinctively checked my phone
As I arose with a low groan.
Trudge to my car for school
Thinking it was true, I was a fool.
I dreamt of Her and I can't decide
If I regret or am relieved, mortified.
Now, I feel two steps back again
I was doing so well without pain.
Now, the pain is immense
Memories are intense.
I hate myself for this dream
The deal I may someday redeem.