Most days I don't know what I want.
I want to escape,
I want to stay behind.
I want to leave without a goodbye and disappear into the anonymity of a new life.
I want to keep all the people I have loved locked inside my heart forever.
Maybe, just maybe it would be best to allow the world to swallow me whole and spit me out somewhere new.
I've spent a lifetime growing roots into a place born of misery and swallowing sunshine in an effort to keep myself from choking on the sadness that smothered every single light that threatened to expose this place.
I want everything.
I want to be a mystery to you...untouchable.
A star all to myself a galaxy away from your starved fingers.
I want to love and be loved.
I want to detach myself from the danger of it all, keep myself safe from breaking.
I want to be no one at all, tossed into the wind with the precious gift knowing that new beginnings are underway.
I want to be everywhere at once, breathing new air, shedding my skin with every new city.
I want to be someone.
I want my name to be held in someone's mouth with all the tenderness that adoration brings.
I want to matter in the volatile way that leaves fingertips permanently engraved Into souls.
I am an island unknown to myself,
I am the brick house I've lived in since I was a little girl.
I am simultaneously falling apart and falling together.
I am a daughter of fire,
a descendent of the sea,
my entire being at war with desire and reality.
I want it all to stop spinning...