I sit here wondering
just what I should write about
I am, again, startled with thoughts of you
I am amazed by the tenacity
that you showed throughout your life
when we first met, I was an outlaw
living on the edge of society's norms
while you were the Heir Apparent
to your parents vast fortunes
it was like gasoline and fire right from the start
an all-consuming conflagration of wild times
when your parents found out, they demanded
that you should come back to your senses
and leave that "dirty, filthy piece of scum!"
when you laughed in the face of their demands
they fell back on their second wave of attack
that is when they offered you the moon
if you would only come back home
little did they know that you were already home!
they were convinced that you were just acting out
that you were using me to pay them back
for some ill-conceived slight
that would bring them embarrassment
when the country club crowd
finally found out
it was never about them
it just always seemed to me
that your parents knew so little about love
that they could not recognize the fact
that love had finally taken up
that lonely space in both our hearts
now that you are gone
hardly a day goes by that I do not feel anguish
at the thought that I was left here, alone
it has been six years, three months and thirteen days
since you returned to your family's embrace...
finally, after what seemed like the thousandth time
your Mother actually acknowledged my existence
as I was standing there, lost in my lonely dreams
I felt her hand as it timidly reached out
across that indefinable gulf
to touch mine
for what seemed like forever
the two of us stood there
with no animosity between us
then, as I turned to go I heard her say
"you really did love her?"
as a tear traced its way down my face
"she was my heart, my life, my love"
as I put a single white rose on your headstone
she asked, "would you come see me?"
as I looked at her I saw only the lonely desperation
of a Mother reaching out to embrace a lost love
"I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I would like
to know what my little girl was like as an adult"
God! how I wanted to scream into her face, "NO!"
then I realized just what it cost her
to come to me, here
in your final resting place
to make that gesture
to ask that question
and I thought about
what you would
want me to do
© RLF 8-25-01