Silently I Sit

Silently I sit
Surrounded by noise
Television on, family chirping
A cacophony of useless projection
Everywhere I look
Objects scream at me
My room is a self-constructed prison
My decorations reflect my madness
My books explain my insanity
And reveal my design
A personalised husk
Dwelling behind personalised bars
I grapple with reality
As I slowly lose my mind
Choices, voices
Delusions all
I’m a one trick pony
That’s too old to be taught
I whip myself
I stoke a dull ember
But I’m dead inside
My cold heart cannot be re-lit
 
Silently I sit
Suffocating within these four walls
Afraid to admit
That I’m nothing
Clinging onto confidence
Clutching at greatness
Feebly I strive
For futile happiness
Afraid of sleep
And wasting a second
Terrified of waking up
And wasting my life
Finding solace in pain
And mercy in my tears
When sorrow consumes me
I finally feel alive
My inner demons
Tug at the strings
A great performance
For this sick society
I hang limply, awaiting orders
A silent marionette