This could be Lust my muse

I thought I was dead inside

Dreams were nothing but purgatory
A world where I rehearse
And perfect every word, every usher, every tear
All a piece of every lie, my mistake?

The night sailed me by East wind
To my rituals of worship
To my rituals of poison
I then felt something long lost

I thought I was dead inside

My heart leaps in the air
My pulse runs crazy
My emotions unbury my
I'm too old, you're so young
I'm too young
Your eyes flutter
Words race without thought
As you drift into the night

I punish myself

I seek new rituals
More poisons
Even cry for a different pain
Others hurt me
Remind me that I am just a
And the shadows just flicker in moonlight

Before we rendezvous
Before I pretend I am
They will beat me
They will hurt me

I then will feel nothing
I can now again exist
As a shadow
As nothing

Until I see you again