Secret Promises

Memory Lane . . . March 1st, 2013 . . .

I had found my battered Soul again
but was in no mood for another search
I woke up early that day
decided to drive to the local church

the large lot was completely empty
though I still parked way in the back
I felt kind of strange approaching
dressed head to toe in black

I opened the door to the old sanctuary
strolled down the isle to the first pew
shuffled in sideways and knelt down
blessed myself quickly as I always do

I could tell I was no longer alone, now
that kind of warmth doesn't come from heat
but each of my eyes held one single tear
one of them was bitter and the other sweet

I couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty
in a place that signifies Life and Love
I wrestled with what I was about to say
then my head rose to look above . . .

" I promised You many years ago
that I would never again attempt
to end my own life. I swear I will
honor and keep that promise . . .
. . . but I've come here today
to make another promise to You
. . . I'm not going to do a fucking
thing to try and save it either . . . "

Then I wiped away the salt tracks
of each of those tears that fell
wondering if I had just foolishly
condemned myself to another hell

I still felt that comforting warmth
but I also felt horribly sick
I stood up, blessed myself
then hurried out of there quick . . .

. . . That was March 1st, 2013 . . .


. . . Today . . . May 8th, 2014 . . .

I woke up early and went back
to that peaceful little church
my happy Soul was riding shotgun
together we went on a search

. . . but we didn't get very far
we never got out of the car . . .