when the sun goes down

blank feelings...

more like an emotional void,
as there are no longer any demands
to fill the silence, keep me busy

and I sit here, across from my love,
not knowing how to communicate
the ebbs and flows of the mindless tasks
that fill my void from 9 to 5
(sometimes stretched from 8 to 6)

don't get me wrong,
there is still the desire...
to communicate, to share my being,
but I've lost myself somewhere
in the daily drudgery that defines
the who, the what, the where I will be



there are indeed pastimes
that a swimming mind loves to dive in to,
but they are still nothing more
than ongoing distractions, like bandaids
to cover a gaping hole

over an empty soul

I'm not afraid of the interaction,
or the bonding, quite the opposite!
I still crave it, the togetherness,
the co-habitation, the shared walk
through what is supposed to be an amazing journey




it's just the silence...

that's what I fear...

the times when I'm supposed to share my triumphs
with someone who's already seen the best of what I had to offer;
the times when I'm supposed to share my defeats
with someone who's already pulled me out of my darkest places...

those very times when I'm supposed to share who I am...





when I can't even sort that out for myself.




Midnight passes over yet another sleepless night,
well, mostly, with fitful starts between hour long naps,
but I'm safe, for now, you see,
as I climb into my chariot and rush toward the race


I'd love to tell ya more,
but I gotta go.



It's that "work thing", y'know?
...and I kiss her goodbye with a smile and a wave,
and a promise that "I'll see ya later!"




Sure hope there's a good movie on tonight,
something busy, something loud,
something completely riveting



anything but silence.......... 'cause I don't want to fail her


again.