Gaslighting Baby

The nicest thing my mother ever said to me was,
"I don't think you are capable of loving someone in an all consuming manner."

Now,
don't you dare judge her parenting-
She said this with eyes of acceptance,
matter-of-facts,
spread out on purple carpet
by a garden tub that bathed my tears in champagne-
She spoke comfort,
Swaddles of,
"It's okay to be different."

While your underhanded mother
smiled lies at short-fell merits-
certificates of an almost academic achiever;
and had you back-tucking for gold medals
that never shine brighter than her peers..

My mother?
She's much wiser.
She took my soul by the jugular,
turned my poetry upside down,
watched me claw for a defense,

and then she told me she loved me anyway..

the following years
have been filled with balloons in a box,
delivered at random-
bath tub crayons to write love notes in your showers,
100 inked inside jokes,
obsessions and sentiments to freckles and sleep apnea,
bubble gum machine rings of renewal
and
and undying pursuit to NOT have to say,
"I love you."
Effortless commons,
tossed all over the place-
I want to give you everything
that sounds and smells
feels and looks
lingers and haunts-
echoes, so deep and so great
that it deems the other one-line sentiments like dry dirt

but oh-
I will stain you-
much like the red mud you tracked through your own mother's home-
trailing my affections
in every step
for the rest of your walking career
until it becomes what buries you
in another common term-
Rest in Peace




I am not angry with the nicest,
most malicious,
bone cutting thing my mother ever said to me-
I praise her-
(as the divergent child)
because she was partly wrong-

I do have the capability to love
but
I should wake up everyday focusing on the expansion of my capacity-

and I ask you-
Do you know of a better pursuit?
If your answer is academic or wealth-

your mother?

..Isn't as wise as mine


but I bet she loves you anyway.....