Just like a "cutter"

I write of the tub
as if it were my shallow grave
An ailment I could not scrub
It took alot to be so brave
as I sat or lay
with no words to say
I'd suffer in silence
& refused to pray
to lessen the violence
or reduce such rage
but a book I held
with a pen to blank page
Red lines i'd wield
to ease the pain
from scraping scars
& filth from where i'd been
Forgetting my name
& all the cars
I was a passenger in
Shifting regret
into a lower gear
disposing my secret
hoping my time
was coming or near
I've picked the snow
from all my teeth
Kept sucking through my nose
for extra relief
but thoughts would taunt
& tease
Merging with grief
as I lay in sudsy water
staining the tub
just like a "cutter"
in my own disbelief
& I never felt
so beautiful
Even without
the coral reef