Insidious Cycle

By andhaka

Steele razor on soft skin, waiting to be laid
All I need is a small incision, from my rustic metal blade
Entrapped in a cage, built from past scars
Vertical cut to cause abrasion of these mortal bars
 
Almost touching my supple flesh,
Just about free from this depression
When I see a few faces dancing in my mind,
Sending it to regression
 
To take the refuge in these carnal craving for pain
Would mean those demons could be slain
But if my soul embarks on this journey of perpetual sleep
I’d leave my loved ones to wistfully weep
 
A silken thread ties my breath, to those of another few
Cutting it from my end, could strangle them too
An insidious cycle will eventually weave
And just like me they’d strive to leave
 
They would begin to believe that they were to blame
For pushing me in the eternal flame
Cursing themselves for not seeing my despair
Guilt filled heart, for their lack of care
 
Then the feelings that nudged me towards the direction of hell
Would plough itself in their minds as well
And just because I could not be strong
To the devil I strung my friends along
 
I say this because I have thought this through
I say it because that’s what I’d do. 









Authors note:  this piece was inspired by 2 things. 
1. A conversation I had with a friend a while back, when she told me she had started cutting. I remember telling her that her life was not only hers, but was entwined with many others like her family and friends. If something happened to her then we could never be able to forgive ourselves, and we'd be haunted by the fact that we were right here with her every day yet we never noticed her pain. I told her of all the times i'd wanted to cut myself but restrained myself for the sake of all the people I love. 
2. Amernoc Reds poem C and J, yin and yang....which reminded me of that conversation and inspired me to write this poem.

I know it's not my best peice but it's something I felt needed to be said. 

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2013 andhaka
Published on Saturday, May 25, 2013.     Filed under: "Poetry"

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Comments on "Insidious Cycle"

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  • PoetessDarkly On Thursday, June 20, 2013, PoetessDarkly (700)By person wrote:

    this is well written work of art. never second guess yourself. :) Like your advice you gave to a friend your writing effect not only how you feel but how the reader will take it. wonderful pen.

  • andhaka On Thursday, June 20, 2013, andhaka (168)By person wrote:

    Thanks PD. : )

  • Kristoff On Monday, June 17, 2013, Kristoff (37)By person wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this

  • andhaka On Tuesday, June 18, 2013, andhaka (168)By person wrote:

    It was my pleasure. Thank you for taking time to read. : )

  • Nehema On Thursday, June 13, 2013, Nehema (962)By person wrote:

    Well done, the written piece and the reality behind it. Self harm is never kept to one's self, it really does effect others even if they aren't aware. It's a selfish act in my opinion. Thanks for sharing this personal moment, many here can relate from both sides of this coin - XXOO Scholar

  • andhaka On Friday, June 14, 2013, andhaka (168)By person wrote:

    Thanks i`m glad you liked it. And the reason i chose to write and post this poem is because i see so many ppl who choose to harm themselves on DP so i thought it was something that needed to be said xoxox : )

  • FadedBlues On Sunday, May 26, 2013, FadedBlues (2172)By person wrote:

    ...there are so many who do it, it's nice to find one who has reasoned it out & refrains...

  • andhaka On Sunday, May 26, 2013, andhaka (168)By person wrote:

    Thank you : )

  • A former member wrote: i just love this... sorry i can't think of anything else to say, but i just love this.

  • andhaka On Sunday, May 26, 2013, andhaka (168)By person wrote:

    Thanks i'm glad you liked it : )

  • A former member wrote: I can totally relate to this and I'm glad you haven't given in. It's very addicting once you start, so don't ever cut

  • andhaka On Saturday, May 25, 2013, andhaka (168)By person wrote:

    And neither should you! I've read your poems and i can feel the hurt in them. I know how addicting it is, because i haven't even started, yet i'm so tempted to.... but trust me there's someone out there (whether you realize it or not) who will miss you if you're gone. My friend started cutting cuz she thought no one cared. So trust me there's a person out there, who would totally shatter if you leave.

  • Deathkitten On Saturday, May 25, 2013, Deathkitten (573)By person wrote:

    It is as titled, then again, it's part of life. Everything is a circle & 1 life can affect many (even if they think otherwise). It's almost like a domino effect. Nice description & powerful message!

  • andhaka On Saturday, May 25, 2013, andhaka (168)By person wrote:

    . There's so many times where i've felt like no where cares, and i'm all alone... but then i remember those days when i was a child and i would get hurt, and my mother would feel the pain more then i did. It's then that i remember why i chose to live rather then give in. Thanks for the comment.

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