So i over share

I talk to the world of my disappointments
of my lost love, that still gives me great pain
of the current love that i find i cannot feel
of my pining over children never born
nor to my knowledge conceived
-
i was an accidental predator
she with the red-raven hair
lied about her age
accepted my soul
and threw my heart away
-
married now and
losing my mind
-
eighty pounds (or more)
separates me from holding
my own child in my arms
should she shed eighty pounds
should i shed four hundred?
-
crying my self to sleep
wearing headphones
to drown out the noise
is not conducive
to me wanting to break
the wall of pillows
-
i am tired of
living without
the cuddles
that make
life worth living
-
dreaming about
cuddles counted
in terms of three
raven, her husband, and me