Time Tortures me

By BetaWolfinVA

When first contacted by the one i call raven
i didn't know that i was much too young
and she was younger still
-
when she finally turned eighteen
she tried to move down to be with me
with more pride than sense,
i tried to stay with the one that i was dating, i failed
-
by then i assumed that raven was with someone else,
why would she wait for me
i believe i shared her with a legion of men and women
during those three years
but why would another man share her with me?
-
I then got married to one that had
all the worst qualities of ravens mother
now i believe that i was punishing my self
for not seeing past ravens marvelous breasts
and intelligent, mischievous eyes
to her much too young face
-
in her twentieth year
she moved in with my wife and i 
after i called her up crying letting
her know that i was free
she told me to return to my wife
-
the rules that my wife created
when she moved in
made it so that i could look but not touch
and that raven would find her own man
-
in her twenty first year
because i obeyed her and did not get a divorce
fast enough to please her
she married one that she could have as her own
and they left my family, leaving me to my punishment
-
in her twenty fourth year
he started to let her play with others, but not to care
just as i was divorced and trying to find love again
-
in her twenty sixth year i was
getting married for the second time
believing that i was happy,
i tried again for love
-
in her twenty ninth year
through much misadventure and chaos
i discovered that i would never be over her
that i am not sane without her
that without her life is pain
-
in her thirtieth year
should i drive up to the house that they share
take them both into my arms,
kiss them both, and try for a new tomorrow
or should, i failing life and love,
-
"life is lighter than a feather
duty is heavier than a mountain"
is it time to put down this feather
and fly?

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2013 HHMCameron
Published on Tuesday, February 5, 2013.     Filed under: "Depressed" and "Poetry"

Author's Note:

Time Tortures me, I don't know how much longer i can live without being made whole, when if, raven calls, i will get free. but how long can i wait.
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Comments on "Time Tortures me"

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  • RibbonHeart On Sunday, February 17, 2013, RibbonHeart (22)By person wrote:

    This is confusing yet intriguing, so many emotions for so many things. Concentrate on yourself Mister. I try hard not to give my emotions to too many, I find it hard to cope with the very few I hold dear. This reads as a good deterrent for me :P I like the little quote from Wheel of Time by the way, although I believe it is death that is lighter than a feather, not life. But for the purposes of what you have written it makes more sense your way. Keep your chin up mate x

  • BetaWolfinVA On Tuesday, February 19, 2013, BetaWolfinVA (795)By person wrote:

    the origin point for the phrase was the sammurai of old japan... a few of the ones that were deemed to have stepped on it badly enough chose that as their poetic swan song... death/life as the opening line, both would mean the same - living past having failed in ones duty being the harder choice. Scholar

  • RibbonHeart On Tuesday, February 19, 2013, RibbonHeart (22)By person wrote:

    Ah I see, forgive my incorrect presumption. Always good to learn something new x

  • BetaWolfinVA On Tuesday, February 19, 2013, BetaWolfinVA (795)By person wrote:

    Robert Jordan did use a variation of this in The Wheel of Time, and i loved his usage of it... :) he was one of my favorite authors :) Scholar

  • RibbonHeart On Wednesday, February 20, 2013, RibbonHeart (22)By person wrote:

    He was one of mine too :) x

  • A former member wrote: Such a heartfelt poem, more of a letter adorned with hope, sent right into a volcano and burns your heart.

  • dwells On Tuesday, February 5, 2013, dwells (4288)By person wrote:

    Sounds like several opportunities missed, or squandered, and we sometimes obsess on what we cannot possess, cheers!

  • BetaWolfinVA On Wednesday, February 6, 2013, BetaWolfinVA (795)By person wrote:

    my old frenemy hubris has busted my chops so so many times Scholar

  • Ravenblade On Tuesday, February 5, 2013, Ravenblade (313)By person wrote:

    Cameron, something about your style of writing that reminds me of the Dead Poets Society movie. It feels almost classical. Sorry for your torment...I've been through similar, but I don't fathom I was remotely as connected as you were to your 'Raven'

  • BetaWolfinVA On Tuesday, February 5, 2013, BetaWolfinVA (795)By person wrote:

    before i first met raven, i felt misplaced by time 500 years in either direction... after my fall. "a poet outside time, yet trapped by it" Scholar

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