Requiem for the Indifferent

I finally slept last night,

After sleeping the whole day before,

And I had horrid nightmares,

Like I've never had before.

I stay awake till dawn most nights,

And this is why I do,

For if I sleep enough,

The nightmares will get through.

I can feel pain and hear screams of agony,

Constantly running from I know not what,

I toss and I turn murmuring miserably,

In this prison of my thought.

When I am awake I try to focus on happiness,

Or what I feel happiness might be,

But sometimes I wonder if happiness,

Is really just not for me.

I regret many things,

Things that cannot be undone,

And with regret comes shame,

Even though I am not the only one.

Do I have the right to hate them?

Or then am I just as guilty?

From whence does this malice stem?

Perhaps such logic is folly.

I sit in the shadow and contemplate,

My life,

Or lack thereof,

Often in silence wonder,

If these are things worth thinking of.

I think of those in my life,

Some good, some bad,

Mostly the latter,

And I wonder if the life I had,

Can be made into something that will matter.

I think perhaps I'm crazy,

Perhaps too deep a thinker,

Such things to me are hazy,

Perhaps why I'm a drinker.

But one thing I know for sure,

Thinking these thoughts gets me nowhere,

So I shall go do something else,

Go someplace else,

Anywhere.

Such is the beginning of indifference,

Of running from ourselves,

Not to be confused with ignorance,

Like dusty books on shelves.

Our minds are filled with tales,

Covered in cobwebs and dust.

But some of them are so terrible,

That run from them we must.