An Apology regarding the spectacular end of a cyber affair

Earlier that morning we had
experienced something special,
better than the "real" thing
-
i was fantasizing about our lives
helping you grow raising your children
if we were really together
-
accepting that if i did that
i would never have children of my own
but i would have children to raise
-
in my mind it was a goal we both had
i had your time zone off by an hour
you get a text from me waking you up
-
i had skipped a few steps
jumping to why i couldn't get free
simply by telling my wife about us
-
i just said that i would get into
trouble if my wife or ex girl friend
found out what we had done
-
if i told my wife or ex girlfriend
that i had been unfaithful again
they might expose the secret
-
that i tell everyone i care about
the secret that can destroy me
the secret that you know
-
you told me there was an easy fix
simply not to do it again,
better yet to stop talking
-
you said that you need a protector
not someone that you needed to protect
not a whiny clingy bitch
-
you said you would devour me
that you would be using me
and not loving me
-
I still want to leave
I still want to be happy
but i will not have you
-
because i am broken
but you knew that even before
you gave me reason to live
-
and took it away