Crash Canyon
By lupus tenebrae
Like being patronized? Like having the obvious
explained in grating detail? Do you wish that these qualities were available
in a more convenient outlet? Then look no further than Crash Canyon,
a shining example of Canadian television. I can spare no detail, and
by that I mean, I’ll share my tale of woe.
Filled with jokes
that the laughing idiot would find tasteless, this show is still fairly
cherry. I’ve only watched it in small doses on Youtube, as prolonged
exposure might be deadly. It’s the story of a hapless family, getting
stuck in a canyon full of miscreants, and every stereotype under the
sun. A full palette almost, but no obvious Jew and/or Italian wise guy,
maybe season two?
Another thing to note, is the distinct
lack of swearing, not a “damn” to be found, but there’s plenty
of implied taboo, of the immature sort. Farts, masturbation, incest,
all disguised in uninteresting ways, makes you pine for Paint: The Movie,
doesn’t it?
The punch lines are predictable, and would make an
onion or Carlos Mencia, cry. For a self described “comedy” there
was no noticeable laughter on my end. I found watching it was a depressive
and daunting task, as the humour is flat, like the talking heads behind
its conception.
The animation is much akin to paper coming
to life, and reenacting its favorite Family Guy shorts. Stiff movements,
a flipbook is a decent alternative, and no overused jokes come with it!
As previously stated, the show is quite patronizing to the viewer,
it finds the constant need to over explain itself. Seriously, I found
myself watching a one minute bit of dialogue, leading to neon signs pointing
out the sarcasm only Helen Keller would miss. Don’t treat your viewers
like monkeys, as with the last remaining functions in their fingers,
they can easily turn the channel.
There is little to no consistency,
and the show is constantly breaking its own established rules. There’s
a fine line between “rebel with a cause” and “moron with Microsoft
Paint knowledge”, as someone comfortably on the fence, I look upon
them and grimace. Need an example? One of the characters is scooter-bound,
as in, can’t walk of his own volition. In later episodes, without explanation,
he’s seen WALKING!
Without a doubt, a mind-numbing experience,
and blunt trauma seems more conversation worthy at the pub. If you wish
to be desensitized to humour for a time, watch it. If you’re already
despising life, and want no more encouragement towards the brink, stay
downwind of the methane farm that is Crash Canyon.