A note.

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I don't write for sympathy. I don't want you to feel sorry for me.

Though I am still (and always will be) healing, I know that everything happens for a reason and my past has shaped me into who I am now.

I think if my life had not been as it was I would not know how to appreciate the small things, I wouldn't see beauty in all the ugliness.

I would be bitter, self centered, and ugly inside. 

Instead I have chosen to grow from my experience of this lifetime, and see deeper than the average eye.

In a weird way I think I needed to have a shitty childhood, to be able to strive to always better myself. To be able to WANT  to love myself, and the need  to seek spirituality.

I also suspect I would not be a writer, had my life been different, I am inspired by pain. My own, yours, every person I come into close contact with...It's a universal fact of life. 

I write, in hopes of helping others, who maybe relate somehow, which in turn...heals me. If I can help someone, then I've done what I've been put here to do.

This was in response to one of the comments on my last write. I beg of you, do not feel sorry for me. There is a lot of tragedy out there, people who are way worse off than I have ever been. I have to remember that to stay grounded.

I am thankful for each day that I have with the people I love. I think about and miss the ones who are gone, on a daily basis.I miss them and it hurts, but as I said before, life always goes on.

I have the best three kids I could ever want. Never thought I'd have any. I love them with every ounce of love I have to give. In fact I love them so much it hurts sometimes. But it's a good hurt, and it's totally worth it.

My life will be perfect (for me) someday. I am still working on it. ;)