THIS OLD GUN...the last bullet

By terris crimson

This old gun, It's killed one,
this little tune I croon to myself as I contemplate the idea,
On what your love is like,
I'm dead inside,
aren't you happy,
You finally broke me,
all the twisted ideas twirling in my brain,
Like a merry go round,
so joyous taking me back to my child hood,
dark rooms, starvation, rape,
child pornography videos and convicting court dates,
A tourtured soul,
Oh tyler my dear foster brother,
are you finally happy now,
have you finally consumed enough,
have you ravaged every part of my innocence with your hatred enough,
This little pill, It's killed two,
well hello daddy,
so nice of you to finally know me,
can I ask you something,
did it make you feel alive with the blade in your hand,
or was it not enough until you cut open my face,
watching the skin slide open,
Oh how it vexed you that I did not cry right away,
the delicious taste of bitter sweet anger on my tongue,
did you feel more of a man as you hit me,
did I ever "learn my lesson",
or will it not be enough until my heart stops beating,
do you feel belittled also,
having everything stripped away until there is nothing left,
are you as worthless as you called me,
This shining knife, it's killed three,
Hello mom with your high standards,
will I ever be enough,
then would you care,
I tried for so long to be enough,
but what would it matter,
tossed back and forth between heartbreak and agony,
between all the "what if's", and "why didn't you's",
I don't care,
I'm finally numb,
This tight noose, it's killed four,
the clock is ticking,
this new gun it's killed...BANG!!,
now who will ever know?

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2011 terris crimson
Published on Thursday, November 3, 2011.     Filed under: "Depressed" and "Poetry"

Author's Note:

you guys wanted one of my life. here you go. hope you enjoy.
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Comments on "THIS OLD GUN...the last bullet"

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  • A former member wrote: This is a very sad piece.. It feels like a punch in the gust, the harshness and cruelty of the story are just horrifying.. You put your raw emotions on the paper without "making up" them and that makes this piece honest and overwhelming.. I hope you are doing better now and please keep on posting... :)

  • dwells On Thursday, November 3, 2011, dwells (4288)By person wrote:

    Does suicide ever help? I wonder...Thanks for this journey through your life, and hoping your suffering times are almost over.

  • Devilish On Thursday, November 3, 2011, Devilish (2662)By person wrote:

    Hmmmm ... A roller coaster ride of memories and flash backs and mad flashes of desire... Oh how much do I love thee Terris? With all my Devilish heart... We shall meet in front of satan while he bleeds the rights of the ones who took it from us... A kiss perhaps... While we watch them burn I wana taste you.... Scholar

  • terris crimson On Monday, November 7, 2011, terris crimson (169)By person wrote:

    hmm, I enjoy that poetic phrase devilish. lol

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