Uncontrolled Arithmetic

"I am not losing sleep
I'm just losing to sleep
I can't seem to find it
It never finds me
We're lost."
-Anonymous



Every drip of the tap
Single drops that collect
Seconds that have elapsed
Ticks the sound of regret
A condition relapsed
Slowly start to forget
As synapses collapse
And of me silhouette
Like the smoke that is left
Manufacturing gasps
Wrapped inside cigarettes
So conveniently grasped
In between life and death
It is here where I clasp
At the thumb and index
Where I suddenly snap
To become my own threat
Such addiction alas
Slowly burn one last breath
Of the toxic amassed



See I try to avoid
But they do congregate
Take me for paranoid
Voices reverberate
Deep in shadows decoyed
Whispering of my fate
That I crash through the void
Where my mind deviates
With all conscious destroyed
Hateful procrastinate
For of life I'm devoid
Thus transfixed lay prostrate

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It's so easy to succumb
To a pain filled suicide
In your personal asylum
Putting everything aside
In a place completely numb
Lodged inside behind your eye
Is a never ending thrum
All the problems that subside
Deafened by the clash of drums
Death is not what you decide
You cannot equal the sum
Of the fragmented espied

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Chronic insomniotics
Of the silent epidemic
Labeled simply as neurotics
Ignored of their systemic
Turn in numbers more chaotic
Uncontrolled arithmetic

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Continuation
A nightmare depressed
To wake and regress
To fast growing stress
Habitual madness
Deprived of all rest
No wonder I'm told
I'm over anxious
Now to interpret
24/7
Future is frozen
Stuck in the present
A war against self
Personal Armageddon

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.
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Vacant opportunal nights
Sitting by the coffee pots
Te-peed by the winters bite
Stagnant Nocturnal besot
Caffeine driven blood shot eyes
Drowning every single thought
Near being hospitalized
Never knowing when to stop
Insecure fully alert
Lasers thread this room like knives
Mentally lost and inert
Struggling to keep alive
Faintest energy exert
Circadian rhythm misaligned
Never straight always divert
Witnessing my own decline



Self inflicted to the hilt
Caused by own obstinacy
Associated guilt
Affecting my cognition
Now disoriented
A true fatal condition
Cerebrum now fermented
It's decomposition



Lost in reverie
Persistence of memory
Of reality
.
Flaccid and weakened
On the shore of existence
Watching this bleak end
.
The frailty of bone
Swallowed and embraced by time
With the weight of stone
.


.
To be,
that Daliesque creature
And dream
comfortably lone