A Med. Hell

this is what happens when you accept their help
this is what happens when you give into the medicaiton hell
and when you get fed up and stop swallowing

you realize just how much they tried to hide from you, just how much you forgot, how much of yourself you hid yourself.
and with open eyes it's hard to go back to sleep.

all that work you had done before
slips away like dust to the wind
and you're left defenceless against yourself,
as your other half seeks revenge.  

they say you need to talk it out
they tell you to open up
but what will that do
besides give them the conviction that you need to start sawllowing again??
who are they to say what is normal who are they to say what is real
i haven't felt like myself for ages maybe 8 months but it feels like years

and although this is the hardest time i've had
I know this is what reality is
i know this is how i should feel
this is what i've been hiding from all this time.

just because they think i'm crazy when i tell them i'm not in the right place anymore,
just because they don't believe me when i say I fucked up my fate and it left me alone...
it doesn't mean i'm wrong,
it doens't mean i don't know the truth of what's really going on here.

maybe fate never really left maybe i just never met her,
but i feel like i knew her,
heard her skirts russle and smelled her faint perfume
as she walked away,
leaving me on the corner of the street,
fighting  my way to survival,
prostituting myself to false gods and capsules.
won't someone just show me the way back home?