The Ballad Of The Mountain Banjo Clan

By Malcholm Dark

My family tree is a twisted oak...

My hair is shaggy and red
I eat possum, I'm inbred
No school books, no good looks
I'm dumb and ugly instead.

"Hand me my banjo, Jed."

My mamma's brother is my pa...
On this here mountain we're the law.


Brother is called whiskey Jed
Sugar and corn fill the shed
No seeds to grow, no fields to sew
We make moonshine here instead.

"Hand me my banjo, Jed."

Our mamma's nephew is his pa...
On this here mountain we're the law.


This love for my sister is unsaid
She is thirteen and we were just wed
A pretty thing, you know what I mean
Our weddin' cake was made of cornbread.

"Hand me my banjo, Jed."

Her mamma's uncle is her pa...
On this here mountain we're the law.


We keep the shine in the woodshed
That's where you'll find brother Jed
and Grandpa Ed
and Pappa Zed
and Uncle Fred
and Cousin Ned
and me...
strummin' the banjo instead.

"Hand me my sippin' jug, Jed."

We are all related somehow...
Time to bring this mountain down.


I am a mountain banjo playin' fool
With two extra thumbs, the music sounds cool
So fast and mean, a playin' machine
Come one, come all and see the banjo rule.

"Crank up the volume, Jed."

My mamma's sister's cousin's aunt is my daughter
Have a real good time, but don't drink the water.


Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2011 Malcholm Dark
Published on Friday, February 4, 2011.     Filed under: "Satire" and "Poetry"
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Comments on "The Ballad Of The Mountain Banjo Clan"

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  • alex herewane On Monday, February 21, 2011, alex herewane (150)By person wrote:

    Incest a game the whole family can play. lol my brother plays the banjo. This really painted a picture, and made me laugh. Well Done!

  • lupus tenebrae On Friday, February 4, 2011, lupus tenebrae (872)By person wrote:

    Haha you'll never know what crawls out of the woodwork in the backwoods. Like when I came across a bearded lady, and not a circus train around. Are the years of inbreeding really worth it for epic banjo-picking skills? Another hilarious treat, write on. Scholar

  • DarkDruidess On Friday, February 4, 2011, DarkDruidess (326)By person wrote:

    Haha....what a funnly look at things...Hey I have relatives in Arkansas....your aren't related are you? HAHAHAHA! *Bows*

  • A former member wrote: ha-ha-ha-ha.... ah, laughed as much as never!

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