All you never needed

Maybe what you needed in your life was a boulder...
something big and deliberate,
jutting into the oceans of your
rage         pain            terror
able to stand, sure and strong as you crashed
and crashed
and crashed against it,
catching you and holding you in
as you try, violently and in vain, to escape your own confines. 

But all I ever was was a simple grain of sand
fluttered and trembled and shaken
with every stiff breeze,
and left to whirl and churn
in the stygian waters with you
not knowing how to leave
not knowing how to calm the fury
only knowing that I will stay in this watery hell with this squall
until it is over
because I have no choice....you envelope me and make me part of you
and until you rest peacefully, I won't be able to either. 

Perhaps what you need is a rainstorm
gentle and quiet
able to keep the flames from scorching everything in their path
as they roar through your mind
slash and burn through every sane thought, every calm dream
every bit of peace...
something to quell the rampant inferno
and reduce it to muted, soft gray ash 

And I'm afraid that all I ever was
was dry leaves and kindling
flying at you in a stiff wind
urgently trying to blow out your wrath
but winding up igniting myself and inciting your fireworks
too passionate in my hope to subdue, really only able to subsume
until we're both consumed
with no hope of escape until the many fuels, and we, are spent.

 And really, what you should have is an aural surgeon
someone who can make you hear
what you never seem able to hear
through the voices in your own head that scream at you "you're nothing, all you deserve is pain".
someone who could make you hear the words
you're worth it, you're beautiful, you are so much more than you will ever know

 and truth be told, all I am is a word tinker
no master craftsman at this, my one modest skill
and perhaps you can't hear my voice,
soft and timid
when I tell you what is true...
that  I would rather go through hell with you
than heaven without you.  

And it may just be that all you ever needed is
all I never was
but....
it doesn't change the fact that
all I ever wanted
was to hold you through the pain and tell you not to be afraid
because I am right there with you