Log In
The Hint I Missed.
By Aleas
Since I woke up this morning
Under surprisingly cloudless skies and tepid air
I've been thinking of something she once told me.
Citing a decrease in medication as the reason
I remember so clearly, she said:
Death comes in many forms,
All shapes, any size, and sometimes
Love isn't powerful enough to stop it.
Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited.
Ask the author first.
Copyright 2010 Aleas
Published on Thursday, September 4, 2014.
Filed under: "Reflective" and
"Poetry"
Author's Note:
Acrostic. Updated to make it more obvious...Awards
Comments on "The Hint I Missed."
Log in to post comments.
-
On Wednesday, April 11, 2018, I IS ME
(406)
wrote:
Yes We remember very good write
-
On Thursday, February 14, 2013, BetaWolfinVA
(795) wrote:
beautiful sad
-
On Tuesday, November 27, 2012, Killerdemonchick
(54) wrote:
So sad:( thakyou for sharing. Nice way of writing the poem aswell
-
A former member wrote:
I like the choice to capitalize the acrostic element, and not simply because it makes the theme more apparent. I like the visual of this missed hint being so glaringly obvious in hindsight. Effective means of communicating via form. Kudos.
The last line has good emotional weight, and the choice to give it an extra line space and indent it serves it well to distinguish it from the acrostic structure. Just not sure it's completely necessary. The bit I mentioned first, about the glaringly obvious in hindsight, kind of does all that emotional lifting for you in the first place. I don't think much would be lost in completeness nor in effect if the last line were excised. It does eliminate the ambiguity of "suicidal" (which doesn't necessarily mean the subject went through with anything), but I feel like there might be an opportunity to reveal that within the acrostic, or at least build in enough clues (thus tying it back to the title even more) to suggest that.
-
A former member wrote:
Also, I'd recommend replacing "cloudless" with "empty." "Cloudless," while structurally depicting subtraction (a loss of clouds), has an almost optimistic connotation (clouds are traditionally unwanted; cloudy is "bad" weather). While there is something interesting in the thought that the sky is surprisingly cloudless on a day that -should- be gloomy, given the circumstances, your choice of "tepid" right after that (a thoroughly negative connotation) reverses the irony, rendering it ineffective. So, either express "tepid" in the same ironic fashion as "cloudless," or adjust "cloudless" to "empty" and make the adjectives more consistent (plus, the irony is still there, just buried deeper- the reader has to figure out, "oh, that's actually rather nice weather").
-
On Tuesday, May 29, 2012, Aleas
(171) wrote:
You aren't here anymore, but ill respond anyway, just cuz. Right before tepid I use the word cloudless - this I am aware becomes paradoxical - except right before cloudless I use "surprisingly". Every word has it's place. Always.
-
On Sunday, September 26, 2010, BrokenAngel
(30) wrote:
brutally touching.
-
A former member wrote:
So sad and haunting, stunning
Thank you
-
On Tuesday, May 25, 2010, Dreaming in Stanzas
(303) wrote:
You captured such a real emotion in so few words. We always wish we could've read the hints, stopped time, and been the superhero for our loved ones. Beautiful yet depressing write.
-
A former member wrote:
Sweet and beautiful.
-
A former member wrote:
this....you..just completely ripped my heart out. although sometimes i wonder if death stops anything////... . i tend to hope it certainly CANNOT stop love.
-
A former member wrote:
Clever and frightening. I am in aw. Thank you for this. =)
-
A former member wrote:
Very depressing.
But depression is an emotion i like feeling every so often.
Good write :D
-
On Friday, February 5, 2010, Dilated View
(583) wrote:
Well.. jesus. That is demoralizing.
Aleas's Latest Works Feed
Join