Suffocation

(Lips, a somber shade of blue
There will never be enough
Nonetheless that doesn’t stop the craving)



Nothing like you has been such a clear reminder of the lines
And when I add in such terms as time
Looking back upon years ago
I knew almost immediately that each line was further consuming me
How could they not…
I was so fascinated at every twisted turn
Their affect, hour after hour, more and then some more

I guess if I were to actually exhale
It would make this all a mute point, wouldn’t it…
Undeserving of any time spent
Left alone with times hand guiding, which doesn’t usually consider interference

But then I choose to breath in each memory of you
Making you my most perfect of triggers
You hit each alveoli, rushing into my bloodstream

And as your sweet scent entices me to lean in for more
This time my hair not falling to hide my face
Somehow this should have meant...




Always here, within me
I have given you a special place within my heart
Tucking you away so safe, so protected
As a means to...

Entombing you, me as well, one dimensionally in the past
Especially with no possible way now to see into your rich brown eyes
Run my longing fingers across your skin
...finding myself, losing myself...
Fighting off the temptation to use my long nails
In attempts to carve out an opening
So as to seek you out at the core
Embrace all that you hold onto

As if that would ever help me comprehend the purpose
Why in the world you stepped into my life to begin with
Opening my mind and daring me to think some more
Even further out of the box, that...

All I have now is your shadow, slowly fading out
With this intensity from the feelings still very present





It is so much easier in this nightmare
As if there are wondrous dreams even with pleasant memories
Yet are they even what they seem
Or only what we wish to see

Realizing the similarities in the psychosis I found then
Never really knowing what is real
The mind always playing its own fair share of tricks
The horror intermingling , with this insatiable need for only the pleasurable
Getting one to believe the unbelievable or dismiss reality totally
Even though we do that unconsciously most every day
Picking and choosing
Then assigning...

I can’t find the answer to if you where ever really here
If I was holding on for some semblance of myself
Or for the illusion of you

Allowing the poison free reign
Then one doesn’t have to remember, to feel
I would place a huge wager that you have always done the same
Without much indifference to any circumstance present

Cheating…

Maybe that’s all we ever were, cheaters
Yet not in the sense of being unfaithful to anyone but ourselves