Big Draw City(By The Sea)

By carlosjackal

Mirrorball moon and the raving loon
white noise stabs
the killer tune
smoke inhalation
her throat burns
with the sting of her lover’s tears
her heart as black and hollow as the West Pier
a lover washed up on the shore
her other known only by her weeping in the tides
no soothe
not even in the wash
and the sshhhh
the wash
and the sshhhh
of the waves
reaching in
towards
the seaside front-scape
of the big draw city
bright lights and hope in flight
high rents and artists in service
throwing imaginary coins
to alleyway whispers
arcade dropouts promising
the love of a warm tipster

and the lovers…

their DNA becoming tiny diamonds
along the sand
secrets of the heart crystallised
waiting for the wash
and the sshhhh
the wash
and the sshhhh
to finally soothe their souls
and sail them to the moon.

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.

Published on Monday, June 16, 2008. Filed under: "Poetry"

Awards

January 5th, 2015

Comments on "Big Draw City(By The Sea)"

On Saturday, September 16, 2017, Mute Serenade (445) wrote:

You can feel the beat in the flow of this, how fantastic. Spin them rhymes yo. :)
A former member wrote: Once again, another worthy Poem Of The Day. I like the use of onomatopoeia in this poem, it gives it a beautiful depth and texture that is akin to speaking. I also bet that this would sound great when read out loud. Keep up the great work, dear heart. Queen Reb;).
On Monday, January 5, 2015, Nimue44 (296) wrote:

Indeed soothing, but dyed by something dark and silver... *takes off hat*
On Wednesday, December 31, 2014, TropicalSnowstorm (1703) wrote:

This was an incredible piece, I loved the movement between the wash and the shhhh, that was an excellent device. Ciao, T/S
A former member wrote: Oh, wow. (I say that a lot when I comment on your poetry, I've noticed. Haha. It's wow-inducing.) I wish I had the words to describe just how this piece lulled me into an almost hypnotic stance, that peace/piece of mind and nirvana that you get from just listening to the ocean, and those beautiful poetic thoughts start to set in...and you feel like, just for this moment, nothing could be wrong in the world, anywhere. Because it's just you and the Lady Sea. Everyone else disappears. You start thinking if the ocean is so salty because of mermaid tears. Oh God, this makes me miss it. The Mississippi river just can't compare. ..and that last stanza did me in. Such a beautiful idea.
A former member wrote: awesome...loved the plaintive mood of this -and the opening line is a killer. good reading you again carl. and the repetition of the wash and the shh of the waves -suggesting (to me) secrecy, silence and cleansing of all the city's ills -really works. I thought of Brighton till I read 'sand' and not pebbles ....!
On Monday, June 16, 2008, Rebel tiGer King (258) wrote:

Beautiful brother :D beautiful poetry -symph-
On Monday, June 16, 2008, What Limes (64) wrote:

intense
On Monday, June 16, 2008, Withering petals (68) wrote:

soul moving imagery that wrapped me in dark, cool, painfulling soothing silk decorated with images of alleyways carved into the oceans of broken lovers' hearts. Definitely a favorite, Thank You! ~Downstream~
On Monday, June 16, 2008, Sketso (435) wrote:

So wonderfully written, I imagined myself there... of course, my love of the ocean helps. ;) Well done, Carl.
On Monday, June 16, 2008, urbanhumility (1175) wrote:

personal and articulate.........
A former member wrote: Some of the terms and descriptions you used in this have sent my imagination off on a tangent, in exploration of alternative inspiration...takes leaf from the jackal...very nice.