pandora's straightjacket/a boxlike mimcry

grammatically inclined
and intellectually
challenged
emotionally destroyed
and socially unfit

watching thoughts
in my head like
a guard dog
reaping choices
like they raped
themselves

could you push
my buttons any lighter
just to see if i'll
come close
then taper off

i'm only human
after all and sinning
like there is
no time
to kill

waiting on my
own response
just to see how
long it takes
before i'll blow
my load
and blame the
rest on you

whoever comes to mind
at that specific time
to match the pain
thats labeled lines
along my pupils

like looking
into a black room
reading black words
on a clear glass
you can't read
it for shit
but i'm on the
other side
filing my nails
on the window
trying to make it
go away
but you try
to spit'n shine
such an unaware face
wrapped in plastic wrap
and hairspray
to clean off the dirt

it's just no use
the goal is gone
where the target
lingers walking
fingerprints
like deer tracks
up and down my face
so i can't even look
in the mirror anymore
not tempted to pull
out a gun
and
shoot

what feelings i
pursue just to
feel myself
again
be it drinking
until i puke
like a rookie whore
or smoking like
my lungs are
built to
gas a small
child

who knows
anymore
my eyes are just
open to say
i'm alive
beating heart
to heart
because i'm
starving myself
craving attention
from just a
little love
shaking it
off cocaine style
until the craving
pushes me
to fill
the void.

come disgust myself
with me and we'll discuss
the terms of discontent

just like we would
if it were someone else
only i'll be left
the one sitting
in the bathroom
stall all alone
punching push pins
into my thighs
with sticky notes
and IOU's
until i've bled
my memory to
bleach stained tiles
and truly

watched my life
flush before
my eyes.